I am a perfectionist at heart. I like to have a controlled environment. I want to be able to see my dreams and endeavors to their proper conclusions. There is a sense of satisfaction in that, a sense of accomplishment. To be in a state of disorder or incompleteness is one of the most stress inducing experiences for me. And yet it seems like these days in ministry, all my work is all rough drafts. Its all starts. Its all important things that need beginnings but that I am not allowed to see through to the end. This is really challenging for me. To live in a life of labor all surrounded by rough drafts. It is unsatisfying. It is anxiety inducing. And it is very formative.
This time last year I was experiencing my very first every Father’s Day as a father. It was an important moment. I had been a father for an entire three months! It was not a reflection on what I had been through but rather on what I was about to get into.
As cliche as it sounds, its amazing how much difference a year makes. Being so early in the journey, I have only to say what fatherhood has done to me, not what I bring to it.
Last year’s meditation was full of confidence, anticipation and drive.
But becoming a father has changed me in ways that I never anticipated. It has made me into a person who asks more questions and makes less statements. It has made me more alive to my deficiencies and the immaturity of my answers. More than ever, I worry and I fear. Continue reading
There is very little that is more important in life than the giving and sharing of trust between those who are closest to us. There is very little that gives a true sense of belonging or acceptance. These are the places that we do not have to be anyone or anything but our real selves; where there is true transparency and freedom to say what we think and take life as it comes. Continue reading